..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize