It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
