Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
