i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
