I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
