Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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