take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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