So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
