I want you more than these girls want KFC
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love having hate sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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