I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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