Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
