dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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