I wanna bring you to show and tell
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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