We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.