They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.