The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
