My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
