I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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