I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
