He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
