I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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