Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
