I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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