You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
