she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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