I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
