just tell him i said nine months
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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