my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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