Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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