I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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