I'm going to jail i love you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
