she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize