I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
