either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
