Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
