She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
