My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
