I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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