i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
