if you like me you must not know who I am
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
