Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
