I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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