k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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