um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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