It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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