just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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