we have pet lesbian snakes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
