I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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