oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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