I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
