I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
