Just cropdusted the office
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
