It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
