Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
