Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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