Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
