His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize