Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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